The Assassins
by Nature9000
Summary: The Fullmetal Alchemist characters are hitmen for you, you get to request them to do a hit on whatever show, game, etc that you want. Send in requests, but don't send in flames those are a pointless waste of space.
1. The Meeting

The Assassins

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any other story/show/game etc. that may appear in this fic.

A/N: This is a humorous, reviewer request thing. The Fullmetal Alchemist group will take requests from you, the reviewer, to go out and assassinate any show/game/cartoon/etc characters you can think of. An example will be used in the first chapter. Remember that to have the assassin or assassins of choice kill off a show or a specific character, like SpongeBob, _I_, the author, need to know what the specific thing is. If I've never heard of it, then I won't be able to do it, I'll let you know if I choose your review and I'll update depending on how many reviews I get. If there are seven reviews then there will be seven updates during a week, one for each day. Updates depend on whether I know the show, character, game and so forth, as well as the number of reviews I get. Thank you! Also there may and probably will be some out of character. I'll take whatever request, as long as I know it. Remember, if the characters don't like the specific show or character, that doesn't mean _I_ don't like it. I could love it, but still do it.

* * *

Chapter 1 (The meeting) 

Roy clasped his hands together and sat at his desk while awaiting his subordinates to arrive. He turned his chair around to glance out the window. Soon the door opened and Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Kain Fuery, Vato Falman, and Heymans Breda walked into the office. "You're here early, sir," Havoc stated. Roy turned his chair around to look at his subordinates.

"It's a day that I should be early; I have orders for you all." Roy stood up from his chair and crossed his arms. "You are to locate Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Scar, Archer, Kimblee, the Homunculi, Hoenheim, Winry, Pinako, General Olivier Armstrong, Major Armstrong, Maria Ross, Denny Bloch, and whatever other people from our world that our author uses. There's an important message to relay over to these people."

"What is that, sir?" Riza asked.

"Our author has ordered one of his OCs to hire us all as something; even I'm not sure exactly what it is. However, it's important to relay this info over to these people; they are to meet us at a large warehouse in Central."

"Yes sir!"

---------------------

Dante, and the seven homunculi sat around a large table as Dante read a note. "Why the hell do we have to go to this?" Envy asked.

"We're being_forced_ to go," Dante said with a growl. "We're being watched from the shadows and we have to go or we die…I'm not afraid of that or anything, but it has to happen."

"It sucks; I don't feel like it…I'll go anyway, only because it _could_ be profitable."

"We get to kill gay bastards like SpongeBob Squarepants. Of _course_ it's profitable!"

--------------

"So where is this guy?" Scar asked as he sat at the large table in the warehouse. "I don't feel like being here."

"You're not the only one," Archer stated. "Every single one of us is here."

"We just have to deal with it," Kimblee said quietly.

"I'll kill you later, Archer," Roy said as he crossed his arms.

"Why? What the hell did I do to you!"

"You tried to rape Riza in some other stories," Roy said with a growl.

"I did _nothing!_"

"Don't give me that crap."

"Oh shut up…Where the hell is the contact we have to meet up with anyway?"

"I'm here, watching all of you," A voice said darkly. Everyone looked around and focused their eyes on the door. Raven Hawkeye stepped into view and chuckled.

"It's you!" Everyone shouted. "Die you unholy bastard!"

"Whoa, settle down, I'm not planning to do anything at all to you people!"

"Die!" Everyone pulled out their guns and aimed them toward Raven.

"Holy crap, don't fire!" Suddenly a large blaze erupted in front of Raven. Sunna walked into the room and sighed.

"Seriously though, don't kill this guy just yet, he and I are your bosses."

"Sister?" Roy asked as his eyebrow twitched. "You're working _with_ Raven?"

"Only this once, yes, trust me, I want to kill him as badly as you do."

"Fine, so tell me what we're doing." Everyone sat back in their seats as Raven and Sunna walked to the table.

"I'm here to keep Raven in line just so you know…He can be a real bastard sometimes."

"Hey!" Raven shouted.

"An idiot as well," Sunna said as she rolled her eyes and sighed. "Anyway, you're all here because you're taking requests."

"Not like that truth or dare thing, right?"

"Oh no, nothing like that, in fact what you will be doing is playing the role of assassins."

"What?"

"It's been explained in brief details to the homunculi. The reviewers are to give you requests to kill off a character or multiple characters of any show, game, book, or whatever they want. They will also request a certain one of you as the chosen assassin of this specific thing. They can requests either one or multiple assassins."

"They must be clear on whom they want to do the kill," Raven stated. "It can_not_ be either me or Sunna though, since we are not part of the actual Fullmetal Alchemist world."

"That's right. There can be a max total of fourteen per week, our author can't do more than two chapters a day on this. You will also take the ones you know. For example, we can't kill real world people, that's wrong…We also can't kill something like the show, 'Romeo' because our author knows _nothing_ about that show at all."

"Does that make since?" Raven asked.

"If there is only one review during a full week, and let's hope there's more than that, then there will only be one update that week. Our author will try to write out a chapter and update it per review that is written."

"So we have to wait for the reviewers to send in a request?" Raven asked.

"Yes."

"So what do we do this first chapter?"

"We give you an example killing, meaning you get a request from us." Raven and Sunna crossed their arms and thought for a minute. Sunna clenched her teeth and looked at Raven.

"You know what I_hate_, that stupid retarded show, Dora the Explorer!"

"Oh dear god, that show is pitiful," Raven said with a grimace. Raven and Sunna turned to face the group.

"Roy, my beloved brother, you will be the chosen assassin for this. You must go and exterminate Dora the Explorer! Now, we've told you the show's name, which means exterminate _all_ characters. If we wanted you to exterminate a character we would have said 'Dora the Explorer, Dora'"

"I understand. When do I go?" Roy asked as he stood up.

"Oh, right now. You'll see a line and then you're off!"

"A line, what line will I see?"

"One that our author will put on this page and you'll appear in another scene."

"Really, so it's a scene marker or something?"

"Yes, now shut up and get ready."

"Okay, I'm ready."

---------------------

Roy appeared in a disgusting place, it looked like a damn map. "Where the hell is this?" Roy heard Sunna's voice in the air.

"Okay Roy, we can still contact you and see you," Sunna stated. "You're in Dora's world, sometimes we can have the character in question come to our world but for this we've placed you here!"

"Why! I like our place better than this crap!"

_"Where's the mountain?"_ A voice asked.

"That would be Dora, go get her," Sunna said with a grin.

"Crap, she sounds so…horrible."

"She sounds like a spoiled rotten little know it all, now go get her." With that Roy didn't hear Sunna speak any longer, he figured it was time.

"If you see swiper, say 'no swiping!" Dora exclaimed.

"Oh my god…She dies _first!_"

"Oh one more thing," Raven said as his voice spoke through the sky. "Some characters are known to fight back. I think Dora's calling you a match stick by the way…"

"What!" Roy grumbled and walked down a path. "This is so wrong…"

"Swiper, no swiping!" Dora exclaimed.

"Nobody's even responding," Roy said as he put his hand to his forehead. Roy raised his eyebrow and saw a large boat sitting in the water and a small fox running by. "That boat doesn't have oars or anything, and neither do they, how do they intend for that little fox to swipe that boat?" Roy grabbed swiper's tail and lifted him up.

"Hey, put me down, who do think you are!" Swiper exclaimed.

"Hi, I'm Colonel Roy Mustang. It's nice to meet you. I'm going to skin you alive, but first I'm going to go kill the annoying Dora character."

"What!" Roy tossed Swiper into the water and walked toward Dora and Boots.

"Who are you!" Boots exclaimed. "You're not part of this world!"

"Yes, but you see, I'm an assassin and _this_ is _your_ final episode."

"What do you mean final episode?" Dora asked.

"I mean it as simple as that, for a girl who's supposed to be smart like you, you're not that smart." Dora looked to the side and Roy raised his eyebrow. "What are you looking at?"

"Everybody, if you want this show to continue then help me tell this strange man to go away."

"All your viewers understand that this show is on its last episode. That's what happens when we assassins are sent in, everyone understands that the final episode cometh and with that, there can be nothing anyone can do about it. Besides, haven't you noticed how nobody has even responded just yet? There are many methods of assassination that we can use, depending on how our author feels like and what rating the story and possibly your show is, we choose the method. Really, we can do whatever method we want." Roy crossed his arms and looked at Dora's backpack. "Everybody help me tell this backpack and its contents to disappear forever. Backpack, go away."

_"Backpack, go away! Backpack, go away!"_

"What! Whose side are they on!" Boots exclaimed.

"It appears they are now on my side." Roy chuckled and pointed to the backpack that was now vanishing completely.

"My backpack!" Dora exclaimed.

"Oh yeah, too bad your, normally it's supposed to be inanimate, backpack is gone. Get over it, Dora." Roy glanced over at Boots and sneered.

"W-Why are you looking at me like that!" Boots exclaimed.

"The idiot monkey, dies first." Boots gulped and ran up to Roy, he kicked Roy in the leg. Roy looked down at Boots and raised his eyebrow as he reached down and grabbed Boot's tail. "_That_ was pathetic."

"Dora, help me!" Boots exclaimed.

"You should at least _try_ to fight…fling poop or something." Roy tossed Boots into the air and snapped his fingers. Boots was quickly lit on fire and he melted to ash as he fell down in front of a wide eyed Dora. She growled and took a step forward, Swiper stopped her and jumped in front of her.

"You'll die for that you bastard," Swiper said quickly.

"I thought you were the bad guy or antagonist in this story? I guess not, you're really just a dumb character that can't steal a thing because someone _says_ for you not to steal something. Excuse me, but how the hell will that effect real life thieves? Okay, some kid goes to school, watches your dumb show all day long beforehand. A bully comes up to him and threatens to take his lunch money. The kid says 'Bully, no bullying' and will it work?"

"It should!" Dora exclaimed. Roy put his hand to his forehead and sighed.

"My god that's just stupid…It _won't_ work! The bully is going to take your money regardless of what you say."

"Shut up!" Swiper exclaimed as he leapt toward Roy and bit him on the arm.

_"It's true, they do try and fight back."_ Roy grabbed Swiper around the neck and sighed. "I'll make this quick and painless, just like I did for Boots. You're lucky none of the homunculi were sent here, they would make it agonizing and painful for you." Roy grabbed Swiper's waist with his other hand and quickly pulled Swiper in half. Dora gasped as Roy tossed Swiper's body into the lake. "Okay, now for you, your show comes to an end with you."

"No, wait, let's talk this out!" Dora exclaimed.

"There's nothing you can do. This is inevitable and it must happen."

"Please, kind sir, don't do this!"

"Boots and Swiper are gone, you must go as well. I don't want to make you have to be depressed for your entire life."

"Don't hurt me! I'll kill you!"

"Huh?" Dora pulled out a large semi-automatic rifle. "Where did she get that?" Sunna's voice rang aloud once more.

"Some characters can pull random things out at whatever moment they please."

"Oh, thank you for not telling me this little detail." Roy groaned as he felt a gunshot go into his leg.

"Do not worry Roy, when this is done you will be completely healed!"

"I don't like you."

"You love me dear younger brother of mine."

"I'm just going to kill Dora and get this mess over with. I have questions when I get back though!"

"We'll gladly answer any you may have!"

"Thanks…" Roy charged toward Dora and was once more shot in the arm. "_How_ does a kid's show star get a dang gun!"

"You'll never believe what can be done," Dora said with a devious grin.

"What is this?" Roy looked at Dora and saw her start to cackle. "Now _that_doesn't make since."

"Die you filthy rat!" Roy raised his eyebrow and shook his head sadly. "Don't you know, that whatever is requested that you assassins have to kill…out of every show there is always _one_ character that isn't the real one but a demonic one that killed off the character it represents."

"So, you're saying that you are a demonic version of Dora the explorer?"

"Yes, but don't worry, I ripped her to shreds!"

"I see…Yet you're still as weak as she would be, right?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Oh, no particular reason at all." Roy snapped his fingers and set the gun ablaze. Soon he snapped Dora ablaze and she ran around screaming until she melted to the ground. "Well that was easy."

-----------------

"Hey, it's the line again!" Roy said as he walked into the room with the others in it.

"Not bad at all," Sunna said with a smirk. "Dora the Explorer, completely wiped out. One more step closer to ruling the television sets!"

"Huh?"

"Oh just forget it…Anyway, there's one thing all of you reviewers must remember! Whatever you request, we do but do _not_ send any flames! Our author may love the show, like Inuyasha, but he'll still do it. If he doesn't like the show he may be more brutal in his using us to destroy the characters of whatever thing you request. Hey, we'll even do Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean we have time to read your flames, they're pointless and our author is just funny enough to send you a thank you response if he feels like it!"

"Yeah," Raven stated as he crossed his arms. "From what you've just seen here, this is an example of what we can do. Send in your requests with whatever you want done and who you want to do the hit."

"As for this chapter, we're done. We'll see you whenever the next request is ready!" Sunna looked over at Roy and raised her eyebrow. "How did you rip that fox in half like that, Roy?"

"He was weak?" Roy said with a shrug. "I suppose he didn't really have anything holding him together."

"Okay…Well, that brutality is done with. See you all soon!"

* * *

There you go, you heard them and the instructions in there. Send in your requests and I'll see if I can get them to do it. 


	2. Death to the Wiggles

The Assassins

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any other story/show/game etc. that may appear in this fic.

A/N: This is a humorous, reviewer request thing. The Fullmetal Alchemist group will take requests from you, the reviewer, to go out and assassinate any show/game/cartoon/etc characters you can think of. An example will be used in the first chapter. Remember that to have the assassin or assassins of choice kill off a show or a specific character, like SpongeBob, _I_, the author, need to know what the specific thing is. If I've never heard of it, then I won't be able to do it, I'll let you know if I choose your review and I'll update depending on how many reviews I get. If there are seven reviews then there will be seven updates during a week, one for each day. Updates depend on whether I know the show, character, game and so forth, as well as the number of reviews I get. Thank you! Also there may and probably will be some out of character. I'll take whatever request, as long as I know it. Remember, if the characters don't like the specific show or character, that doesn't mean _I_ don't like it. I could love it, but still do it.

* * *

Chapter 2 (Death to the Wiggles)

Raven and Sunna walked into the room with grins on their faces, "You have a request from one, Rem Havoc," Raven said quietly.

"Who's doing the hit?" Roy asked.

"Rem Havoc has requested Jean Havoc and Kain Fuery for this hit." Havoc and Fuery stood up from their seats. "Here is the job; you must kill the members of the show, The Wiggles."

"Whoa, that dumb old show?" Havoc asked.

"They kind of freak me out," Fuery said as he crossed his arms.

"You will accept this mission, right?" Raven asked.

"I accept it!" Havoc and Fuery said in unison. "Those characters are a disgrace. A kid I can understand, a puppet maybe, but these people…"

"They smile _way_ too much," Fuery stated.

"Are they even able to frown?"

"I doubt it."

"Right, here are your main targets, since our author happens to have seen this show at least once in his lifetime and he can tell who some of the characters are, he's given us a good target list. There are the red, blue, yellow and purple wiggles. You must also destroy baby Wags and that seems to be it."

"Wait, they have a _baby_ on the show? How is that possible…four men…"

"Try not to think too much on it and get the job done!"

------------------

"Damn, I hate the wiggle music," Havoc said as he and Fuery walked trough the streets.

"Yeah, that's probably one of the more annoying pieces of music that I've ever heard. I'm kind of shocked to be doing yet another little kid deal, but it's what the bosses and the client want. We're just the hitmen."

"Yeah, exactly, so no complaining, that's the one thing you must not do."

"I'm not complaining…So, do we just kill the ones we were told or whatever we see?"

"Well, the client said to kill all of the Wiggles, everyone from the show. The author just knows the ones that we've been told, if we see any others then we can kill them."

"Okay, that makes since." Havoc pulled out his cigarette and sighed.

"We will have to make our plan out."

"Should we use stealth or burst in, shooting everywhere?"

"If we are more discreet, it would probably be better."

"You know, I'm not complaining but I do hope to do more than kid's shows."

"Good point, Inuyasha sounds nice to do in. We'll just have to see what clients come and go. Whatever the clients and the bosses say is what we must do, there can be no complaining."

"Do you think they'd kill us if we complained?"

"I don't know. One boss is Raven Hawkeye, from the stories there are, we can tell he's more of the psychotic yet calm villain. Sunna's there to keep him on track. I don't think Sunna would let us or any other characters on our show die."

"That is, unless she feels like killing someone off."

"If we don't do our jobs right, we'll get reprimanded you idiot. Just focus and help me look for these goddamn wiggles."

"That name sounds so stupid."

"I know…the four brothers _are_ stupid."

"They're_brothers!"_

"Yeah, what did you think?"

"They're committing incest!" Havoc raised his eyebrow and hit Fuery on the back of his head.

"Ah shut up." Havoc looked over and saw three large animal looking things and then looked to see a rapid river. "Ah, perfect set up…" Havoc pulled Fuery behind a hill and pointed his gun out at the creatures, he swiftly fired and the creatures all were hit in the head. They fell into the river and sunk under the water.

"Okay, nice aim you have there, Havoc."

"Thank you."

"Hey, who are you?" A voice asked. Havoc and Fuery looked behind them and saw Baby Wags standing behind them.

"Kill it!" Fuery exclaimed as he aimed his handgun and fired a shot into Baby Wag's head. Havoc raised his eyebrow as Baby Wags fell to the ground and bled from the head.

"Well, that was…cruel of you. Oh well, let's continue onward."

"You don't think I was too quick to shoot, do you?"

"Well, it _was_ one of our targets."

"Oh, well in that case, good, I'm glad I shot it!"

"Yeah, well let's go find the rest. The four wiggles."

"Man, I shudder every time I hear that!"

"What? You shudder when you hear that name?"

"Yes!"

"Well in that case, Fuery, I'll say it more often." Havoc grinned and Fuery narrowed his eyes.

"So, red, blue, yellow, purple…who's the oldest one?"

"I have no clue and I really don't care."

"You don't?"

"No, I care more about doing our job and stuffing these four freaks chock full of bullet holes. Seriously, we don't need things like this around to mess with young minds. The last show like this was Pee Wee Herman, and_ look_ what happened there!"

"What happened?"

"Don't compare that bastard to us," A man stated. Havoc and Fuery turned to see the red man standing with his arms crossed. Havoc smirked and spit out his cigarette.

"Well look there, he came to _us!"_

"Don't compare us to Herman," Red stated. "He makes a disgrace out of kid stars everywhere."

"I wouldn't say kid stars."

"Okay, the hosts of the kid's television programs."

"There's only been _one_ kid's program our author's ever liked and let me tell you, you're not one of them. You have a client who we are not allowed to name, he wants you dead."

"I see, and what if I don't want to die?"

"What, are you afraid to die?"

"No, that's yellow." Havoc raised his eyebrow and leaned into Fuery.

"If their colors convey their emotions, then this guy's probably going to be an angry bastard and the blue guy's going to be a big, fat, baby," Havoc whispered. Red looked at his nail before he crossed his arms and glaring at Havoc.

"I heard that!" Red charged toward Havoc and punched toward his head. Havoc dodged the blow and chuckled.

"Well, it appears we have a fighter! Hey, Fuery, let's kill this bitch!"

"This is a guy, though."

"Fuery…what kind of masculine person has a last name of _wiggles!_"

"Ugh…Wiggles…That is so disgusting!" Fuery ran toward Red and hit him in the back. "You're dead, Red!"

"Fuery, try _not_ to make any rhymes, please."

"Sorry about that, Havoc!"

"Let's blast this mother!"

"Isn't the correct term, 'let's b-'"

"Stop right there, Fuery!"

"Okay…why…oh! Damn, I almost got caught there."

"Yeah, I mean come on; you don't want to give this guy the wrong impression." Havoc grabbed Red around the neck and slammed him into the ground. Red got up and Fuery kicked him into a rock.

"Aren't we _not_ supposed to make a mess of this?"

"It would be best to make it look like an accident, for his other brothers at least. However, it doesn't matter." Havoc kicked Red and pointed the gun toward the man's head. "They may notice the bullet hole in his forehead."

"Damn you!" Red exclaimed.

"Oh, look at the guy trying to act tough." Red grabbed Havoc's arm and his hands began burning Havoc. "W-What the hell!" Havoc growled and pulled his arm out of Red's grasp. "Just for that, I've lost my patience and you're not going to get a clean and painless way out!"

"What are you going to do now, Havoc?" Fuery asked.

"Aim your damn gun at the man!" Havoc and Fuery aimed their guns at Red. They shot his arms, then his legs and then his abdomen.

"Ah Crap!" Red exclaimed.

"We were going to shoot you only once, in the head, but you've just been too damn bothersome. You brought this upon yourself."

"They should have sent Olivier or Pride," Fuery said. "Those two would have loved chopping this person up I'm sure."

"No Fuery, they wouldn't have cared. However, Olivier would have cut off his manhood, if this guy even has one!"

"Damn you, what are you talking about!" Red exclaimed. Havoc didn't even look away from Fuery; he pulled the trigger and fired a gunshot into Red's manhood. "Ah, crap!"

"I think he's_turning red_ now!"

"Yes, it would appear he is. Do you think we've tortured the man enough?"

"What do you think?" Havoc rubbed his chin and looked at Red who was glaring at the two men with painful but rage filled eyes.

"I would say let him bleed to death, but he might get help. Assassins must always finish the job they start." Havoc raised his gun toward Red's head and fired a bullet into the man's forehead. "One down, let's get this mess cleaned up." Havoc grabbed Red's head while Fuery grabbed his legs and the two tossed Red into the river. "We'll leave the next brother as a warning sign."

"Okay, that sounds fine by me!"

"Come on, Fuery, let's move." Havoc and Fuery ran through the trees and woods until they spotted Yellow. The man was singing a song that was all bright and happy. Havoc coughed and clutched his chest. "Fuery, we need to kill this man immediately! Go give him a scare, I leave him to you."

"Great…another fight…"

"Well if he's a scared little cat, then we won't have to worry. If anything goes wrong, I'm right here with my gun aimed toward him."

"Okay, fine by me." Fuery walked over to Yellow and tapped him on the shoulder. Yellow turned around and smiled at Fuery. "Hello, are you the man named as Yellow?"

"Yes."

"Right, there's been an assassination."

"What?"

"Your brother, Red has been killed."

"What! No, not him! Couldn't it be anyone but Red!"

"You're not afraid are you?"

"N-Yes, I am afraid!"

"Then come with me, I can keep you safe."

"Oh, you can?"

"Yes."

"Thank you!"

"Just walk this way." Fuery pointed a direction and Yellow walked in that direction looking left and right to make sure nobody jumped out at him. Fuery pulled out his handgun. _"Now, it's time to end your fourth of this mindless garbage."_ Fuery pointed the gun to the back of Yellow's head and he stopped to look toward Fuery. He gulped as he slowly turned his head. "Meet the assassin of you and your brothers." Fuery fired a bullet into the side of Yellow's head and Havoc ran over with a piece of paper.

"Hey, I wrote a suicide note!"

"You knew I was going to try to make it look like a suicide?"

"It was obvious. Now, let's go get blue and purple."

"Okay." Havoc and Fuery ran toward a mountain area and saw Blue in the distance. Next to him lay the body of Red.

"I guess he found his brother, and oh, he looks so sad about it. Okay Fuery, kill him."

"Okay, I'll do it with pleasure." Fuery pointed his handgun toward Blue and fired multiple shots into the man's back and fired a final shot into his head.

"Now, for the last guy, and look, he's walking over to Blue and Red."

"He's looking at us…he's…_He pulled out a machine gun!"_

"Oh crap…" Havoc and Fuery ducked down as a field of bullets shot over their heads.

"Okay you butternuts come out with your hands up!" Havoc lifted his head up and glared at Purple.

"What the hell! What kind of insult is that you asshole!"

"This is a _kid's_ show; we can't use language on it."

"This episode is never going to air; it's already been dubbed too violent for kids since your first brother died!" Havoc pulled out a gun and fired a shot toward Purple. The shot hit his arm and he quickly fired a field of bullets toward Havoc.

"You're going to die for what you've done!"

"I'd like to see you try to hit me!"

"Damn you!"

"Hah, you cussed!" Havoc looked around and raised his eyebrow. "Hey, where did Fuery go?"

"Damn it, get off me!" Havoc looked over to see Fuery holding Purple by the arms.

"I got him, Havoc!" Fuery shouted. "Shoot him now!"

"Good job, Fuery!" Havoc aimed his gun toward Purple and fired a bullet right between Purple's eyes. Fuery released Purple and let the man fall to the ground.

"Not a bad shot…"

"Thank you."

"So I guess we're going to return now."

-------------------

"Yep, we're back at the base," Havoc said as he placed his hands behind his head. Raven and Sunna walked in and smiled.

"You did very well on your mission," Sunna said with a respectful nod.

"You could have done better, I could have done better," Raven said with a low scoff.

"Raven, you know they did just great, admit it."

"Fine, good job you two. Now morning television will never have to deal with the Wiggles ever again."

"We'll be waiting for more clients," Sunna said as she crossed her arms.

"Yes, so request another hit from our greatest hitmen in this room. The Fullmetal Alchemist team awaits your orders."

* * *

There you go, send in your requests and Ed, Al, Roy, Riza, Havoc, Fuery, Breda, Falman, Maria Ross, Denny Bloch, The Armstorngs, The Homunculi, Scar, Kimblee and/or Archer will be at your service.


	3. The two ninjas must perish

The Assassins

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any other story/show/game etc. that may appear in this fic.

A/N: This is a humorous, reviewer request thing. The Fullmetal Alchemist group will take requests from you, the reviewer, to go out and assassinate any show/game/cartoon/etc characters you can think of. An example will be used in the first chapter. Remember that to have the assassin or assassins of choice kill off a show or a specific character, like SpongeBob, _I_, the author, need to know what the specific thing is. If I've never heard of it, then I won't be able to do it, I'll let you know if I choose your review and I'll update depending on how many reviews I get. If there are seven reviews then there will be seven updates during a week, one for each day. Updates depend on whether I know the show, character, game and so forth, as well as the number of reviews I get. Thank you! Also there may and probably will be some out of character. I'll take whatever request, as long as I know it. Remember, if the characters don't like the specific show or character, that doesn't mean _I_ don't like it. I could love it, but still do it.

* * *

Chapter 3 (The two ninjas must perish)

"Lust, Envy, stand up," Raven said quickly.

"_Must_ we?" Envy asked as he crossed his arms.

"Pay attention, you have a job to do," Sunna stated.

"Who cares?"

"Envy…" Sunna raised her hand up and Envy quickly stood up with Lust. "Thank you."

"Okay, here's the job that you must complete," Raven said as he crossed his arms. "We have a client, Ezeroth Fitz, who wishes for the death of two Basilisk characters."

"Basilisk, isn't that the manga where they have those crazy and weird looking ninjas?" Lust asked.

"Yes."

"Cool, who do we get to kill!"

"Lust, you've been ordered to kill Kagerou and Envy must assassinate Saemon Kisaragi. Do you understand your assignment?"

"Yes sir," Lust and Envy said quickly.

"Good, you will be sent to their place rather than having them sent here. Try not to make any unnecessary kills if you can avoid it. If anyone else tries to fight you, then fight them but remember you were not ordered to kill anyone other than Kagerou and Saemon, so do well to make sure those two actually die."

"Okay, we understand."

"Good."

------------------

Lust and Envy walked through the woods and sighed, "So, this is the place?" Envy asked as he looked around. "It's kind of dark, but I like it."

"Yeah, this is the place where a bunch of bastard ninjas fight each other for some stupid feud that really doesn't matter anymore," Lust said as she crossed her arms."

"At least this time around it's not some retarded kid's show like Dora or those goddamn wiggles. Of course, I wouldn't mind seeing Barney get hacked up."

"Damn, that guy definitely needs to be carved up, our fanfic author once made a death song for him even."

"Yeah…I wonder why we have to deal with these two particular people."

"I think it's because Kagerou is a bitch who kills men while making love to them. They die when they climax or something, that's an odd way to kill people. It's definitely unique, I'll give you that."

"Yeah…"

"Saemon can turn into other people and use their abilities."

"I see, so they're like us in that sense, how stupid, there should be nobody with these powers."

"So I get to kill the bitch woman and you get to kill the dumb bastard, I'd say it works out great since they do deserve to die." Envy nodded and chuckled slightly.

"I wonder just how brutal we should be with them."

"I don't think it matters, but I'm pretty sure Kagerou won't be able to do anything at all to me. Just don't let her touch you."

"One, I actually have to be uh…connected to her or something and two, I wouldn't touch that woman if my life depended on it!"

"I'm guessing you hate her then."

"I hate the both of them!"

"Well, we do hate everyone and everything, so should we make this slow and painful or quick and painless?"

"I don't know, what would be the best method of killing them?"

"Who knows, but assassins are supposed be discreet so they aren't found by anyone. So let's use stealth and find these people."

"Excuse me, but who are you looking for?" A voice asked. Lust and Envy turned around to see a man with dark eyes and weird hair.

"Who is this?" Lust whispered.

"I am Tenzen," The man said as he crossed his arms.

"Tenzen, as in the ultimate bastardized freak, you're that person?" Envy asked.

"What?"

"My god he's just as ugly as we would have always thought!"

"What are you saying, don't you know who I am?"

"Some freak that can't die and stuff like that. Sorry but we're not bothering with you right now."

"Yeah, but who were you looking for?"

"How about you worry about yourself you fat bastard and let us handle ourselves."

"Why do you keep saying this?"

"Look, we're not bothering you, or your ninja tribe, even though your whole tribe is filled with bastards who look like aliens and need to get a pathetic life."

"Envy, we've kind of run into the wrong person," Lust whispered as she leaned into Envy.

"Yeah, who gives a damn about the immortal ninja anyway?"

"Yeah, but still…"

"We're immortal too, you know."

"Okay, you people don't seem important at all," Tenzen said as his eyes narrowed.

"We're not, go away. You're lucky, we don't need to do anything with you." Tenzen shrugged and continued on his walk to wherever he was going. "That idiot is real lucky we weren't ordered to kill him."

"Yeah, this is true," Lust stated as she looked past some trees. "I think I see that Kagerou woman."

"Then go ahead and kill her, there's nothing wrong with it and she'll be painfully easy for you I'm sure."

"Yeah, all I have to do is cut her up somewhat. I'll go ahead and destroy her now." Envy watched as Lust walked over to where Kagerou was sitting. "Hey, you, bitchy woman, how are you?" Kagerou raised her eyebrow and stood up.

"Excuse me, but_what_ did you just call me?" Kagerou asked as she glared at Lust.

"You heard me, I believe it's time for you to die now."

"Oh ho, I won't be dying anytime soon. You however, will be thoroughly sent to hell."

"Right, and I would like to see this happen, unfortunately you can't do squat to the likes of me. I'm not exactly someone you would be able to kill. Rather, I am your assassin, Lust."

"You're my assassin? Excuse me but are you from the other tribe?"

"No, I'm not from any tribe. Unless of course, you consider the homunculi as a tribe all their own."

"I've never heard of the homunculi before."

"Of course you haven't, they're not even part of this place. Tell me, does that man you want so badly care about you?"

"Uh, I can make him…"

"Right, you're a slut and you will never get a man for yourself, do you desire to know why this will be?"

"Why is that?"

"It is because you will de." Lust shot a nail toward Kagerou, she jumped out of the way and was hit by another nail shot by Lust. "You think it's going to be that easy?"

"Ah, shut up." Kagerou charged toward Lust and threw a punch at her. Lust avoided the hit and shook her head sadly.

"That was just pathetic, I don't mean to offend you…wait, yes I do mean to offend you. I mean to offend you _and_ to kill you." Lust sent a nail through Kagerou's back and out her chest.

"Ugh! Damn you…" Lust shrugged and quickly slashed the nail in an upward, diagonal motion. "Ah!"

"If I knew it would have been this easy…"

"I curse you!"

"Oh, I'm so hurt, I've been cursed by the likes of you." Lust rolled her eyes and then swiftly slashed her nails through Kagerou's neck. "Oh, I'm not finished just yet!" Lust slashed off Kagerou's chest and then cut her limbs off of her body. "Well, you've just been mutilated, I hope you enjoy rotting in hell." Lust looked over to see Envy running up to her.

"Did you have to be _that_ messy?" Envy asked.

"Well, she needed to die…"

"I think she was dead when you cut off her head. Just shooting a nail through her head would have sufficed."

"Eh, it doesn't really make any difference, let's go get Saemon."

"Yeah…" Lust and Envy walked through the woods until they came up to a man reading a scroll. "There's Saemon."

"Make good work out of this bastard, Envy."

"Death will be ever swift for this person…" Envy quickly charged toward Saemon only to have the man jump out of the way.

"Hah, you thought I couldn't hear you charging for me you damn Iga nin…you're not part of that other tribe!" Saemon exclaimed as he stared at Envy.

"No, what tipped you off? Of course, what I _am_ doing, is killing you. This is your end, your death, I do hope you will enjoy dying here."

"It is not I that will be dying."

"Oh, and I suppose you feel that you will be living. How wrong can you be?"

"You're dead…" Saemon quickly charged at Envy and punched him in the abdomen.

"Oh my, that really hurt." Envy rubbed his chin and smirked. "I think I'll go ahead and see just how well you can actually fight."

"Shut up and die bastard!" Saemon threw a punch that Envy dodged. Saemon transformed into a hairy guy and shot several hair spikes toward Envy.

"You don't know how disgusting that can be right there…"

"I don't know who you think you are, but you will not be killing me."

"I'm your worst nightmare. Does that help you to know who I am?"

"No, it really doesn't do anything for me."

"I didn't think so. I'm Envy and I am a hired assassin, I will be killing you now."

"Who hired you!"

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know?" Envy thrust his spiked arm through Saemon's chest. Saemon gasped as blood spilled from his mouth.

"Damn you…That hurts."

"I know it hurts and I also know you probably didn't like getting killed like this. However, when we are told to kill someone, we must go through with that kill despite any pleadings or objections. It's not your fault, but then again, it probably is. I would feel sorry for you but it's not my place to do that." Envy let Saemon fall to the ground. Envy quickly thrust his spike through Saemon's throat and chuckled. "Look how you bleed, look how you die, it's truly a sight to see. I enjoy seeing your death."

"Is he dead yet?" Lust asked with impatience flowing in her voice.

"Yeah, I think he is, but allow me to do some more damage to the man." Envy quickly sent his spiked arms into Saemon's body and tore the man up.

"Were you not the one just telling me to be a bit cleaner a little while ago?"

"So what, it doesn't matter!"

---------------------

"Oh, we're back," Envy said quietly as Raven and Sunna walked into the room.

"Not a bad job," Raven said as he crossed his arms. "However you should have been stealthier and less apt to make yourselves known."

"Yeah, and why did you have to go crazy while killing these people?" Sunna asked. "You didn't need to completely mutilate them, just kill them."

"Mutilation is fun," Envy said with a smirk.

"It may be, but it's also not something that needs to be done every time you go out to kill a person."

"Sorry, hey do you think the clients will come back?"

"Once a client, always a client," Raven stated. "They can come back and request any of you to do a job whenever they please. Only, when it comes to killing someone, don't go insane, unless the client specifically asks for you to brutalize and dismember the specific person you're supposed to whack off."

"Okay, so next time we'll _try_ to be a bit cleaner."

"Try to be a bit stealthier as well. You were spotted by someone who could have easily compromised your position and you let him _go!_"

"We weren't told to kill him."

"Just be lucky he didn't happen to warn anyone."

"Yeah, we'll return with information from another client soon," Sunna said as she and Raven walked out of the room.

* * *

There you go, Kagerou and Saemon have been iced. 


	4. Inuyasha goes down

The Assassins

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any other story/show/game etc. that may appear in this fic.

A/N: This is a humorous, reviewer request thing. The Fullmetal Alchemist group will take requests from you, the reviewer, to go out and assassinate any show/game/cartoon/etc characters you can think of. An example will be used in the first chapter. Remember that to have the assassin or assassins of choice kill off a show or a specific character, like SpongeBob, _I_, the author, need to know what the specific thing is. If I've never heard of it, then I won't be able to do it, I'll let you know if I choose your review and I'll update depending on how many reviews I get. If there are seven reviews then there will be seven updates during a week, one for each day. Updates depend on whether I know the show, character, game and so forth, as well as the number of reviews I get. Thank you! Also there may and probably will be some out of character. I'll take whatever request, as long as I know it. Remember, if the characters don't like the specific show or character, that doesn't mean _I_ don't like it. I could love it, but still do it.

* * *

Chapter 4 (Inuyasha goes down)

"Okay, another client has requested a hit," Raven said as he crossed his arms. "Let's go get the chosen assassins."

"Right, do we send Envy this time?" Sunna asked.

"No." Raven and Sunna walked into the room where everyone waited. "Okay, here's the deal our client, Shoushin has requested Lust, Scar and Wrath to kill off Inuyasha, Kagome, Naraku, Kikyo, and Kouga of the show, Inuyasha."

"Ah, and I really wanted to do it," Envy stated.

"Deepest apologies, but given what happened last time, you are taking a break from this."

"So, Inuyasha, Kagome, Naraku, Kikyo and Kouga, you want us to kill these people?" Lust asked.

"That's exactly what I want, Shoushin requests it, do not fail this mission."

"Are there any specific orders?" Scar asked. "Do you want a complete mess, do you want us to use stealth, what do you want?"

"Don't be foolish enough to warn others. Meaning if someone who you're not supposed to kill sees you, try not to act suspicious."

"Okay, we can do that."

"So you all understand your orders?" Sunna asked. Lust, Scar, and Wrath nodded their heads.

"Good, now go!"

-------------------------

Lust, Scar and Wrath found themselves in the feudal era, "It must be rare to have the one we should kill come to our place," Lust said.

"Yeah, but I kind of like not having to kill them in Central," Wrath stated as he crossed his arms. Scar groaned as he walked ahead of Lust and Wrath.

"Why, _why_ did I have to be pit with these two?" Scar asked as he shouted into the air.

"Do you get the feeling he'd complain no matter who he's stuck with?" Lust asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Wrath stated with a chuckle, "So who's first?"

"Let's see, Naraku, Inuyasha, Kagome, Kikyo and Kouga, that's five people for three of us…Let's give Inuyasha and Naraku to Scar, I'll handle Kagome and Kikyo."

"Oh great, give_me_ Kouga why don't you…"

"You didn't want to kill Kouga?"

"No, I can do that one." The group heard Raven speaking to them.

"It appears that our author's beta for his other Fullmetal Alchemist stories is too busy or lazy to check in," Raven said with a low scoff. "She desires for Riza Hawkeye to kill Shippo, so she will be joining you until her job is done." The three looked over and saw Riza materialize in front of them.

"Okay, well that works out just fine," Lust said as she rolled her eyes.

"Apparently moonstardutchess hates Shippo," Riza said with a low chuckle. "So I will be killing Shippo as well as I can."

"These two apparently have given me the job of killing Inuyasha and Naraku for some apparent reason," Scar said with a sigh. "I would have rather had Kagome and or Kikyo."

"I'm _sure_ you would have," Lust said as she narrowed her eyes.

"Well, Naraku and Inuyasha are just pathetic…If you don't mind me saying that." Lust crossed her arms and shook her head as Naraku was found running through the woods and being chased by Inuyasha.

"Well speak of the devil, look who has shown up."

"Yes, Inuyasha_and_ Naraku, just my luck. Oh, it looks like Kagome is riding on his back."

"I'll have some fun here," Lust said with a chuckle. "First, let's distract Inuyasha from Naraku for a moment." Naraku jumped up on a tree and Lust smirked. "You can surely jump up there and take him out, Scar."

"Yes I can."

"Good, get ready." Lust swiftly shot her fingernail out and hit Kagome in the side and caused her to fall off of Inuyasha.

"Ah! I've been hit!" Kagome exclaimed.

"Kagome, are you alright!" Inuyasha said as he stopped running and turned to Kagome. Naraku chuckled as he watched the two, he did not see Scar climb up on the tree.

"I suppose I'll take this opportunity to flee," Naraku stated as he turned around and met with Scar. "What, who are you!"

"Eat God's wrath!" Scar shouted. "I'll cleanse you!" Naraku gasped as Scar placed his hand on Naraku's head and charged his arm.

"No!" Naraku blew up and blood spurt everywhere.

"Eh, next up, Inuyasha."

"Hey, you bastard, what did you do!" Inuyasha shouted as Scar jumped in front of Inuyasha.

"What do you think I did? I killed Naraku for you, damn that was easy."

"He killed Naraku in a mere instant and it took us so long," Kagome said as she looked to the ground. She looked about ready to cry.

"Oh someone shut the whiny bitch up," Lust said as she rolled her eyes. "Okay, I never thought you'd ask!"

"What?" Lust glared at Kagome and shot a nail through her forehead.

"No, Kagome!" Inuyasha exclaimed. "You killed her!"

"Yes, we did," Scar said with a chuckle. "You're next, no doubt Sango and Miroku would be quite pleased with this kill."

"What!" Scar placed his hand on Inuyasha's head and chuckled as Inuyasha exploded. Wrath was keeping lookout, he turned around and started to run.

"Come on, someone is coming!" Wrath exclaimed. Lust and Scar nodded as they ran off and hid. They saw Sango and Miroku running up to Inuyasha and Kagome, they gasped as they stared at the blood on the ground.

"They're dead!" Miroku exclaimed. He felt his wind tunnel vanish and grinned. "So is Naraku!"

"Well, I _suppose_ we all have to make sacrifices," Sango said with a tear in her eye.

"What happened!" Shippo exclaimed as he ran up to the group. He stared at Kagome in shock. "No!"

"Shippo, keep watch while we go dig a hole in respect of them," Miroku said as he and Sango walked away.

"Kagome, why did you have to die?"

"It was just her time," Riza said as she stepped out from behind the trees. Shippo looked over at Riza with tears that filled his eyes.

"It was you! You did this, didn't you!" Riza frowned and looked at Kagome's body.

"No, sadly it was not I that did that." Shippo raised his eyebrow as Riza took out her gun.

"What are you going to do with that?"

"I feel like killing something and using it for target practice."

"Oh…" Shippo watched as Riza clicked off the safety and looked over.

"Miroku and Sango are coming back."

"They are? They're already back?" Shippo turned around and Riza shifted the gun to the back of his head.

"No." Riza fired multiple gunshots into Shippo's head and watched as he fell to the ground. "I said that so I could kill you." Riza then disappeared, her job was complete.

"Shippo, I heard a noise, what's going on!" Miroku exclaimed as he and Sango ran up to where Shippo's body lay. "Holy crap!"

"Heh, that was fun to see," Lust said as the trio left the area. "Now, all that's left is Kikyo and Kouga."

"Yeah, let's make it fast with these two," Scar stated.

"A minor annoyance is that Kouga may try to fight back."

"Eh, but I'll still kill him with ease," Wrath stated with a chuckle. They stopped walking and looked between some trees and saw Kikyo bathing in the waterfall. "Whoa, she's naked!"

"Look away, Wrath," Lust said as she rolled her eyes. "I'm going to make extra sure this one dies." Lust extended her arm and shot her nails out, she swiftly cut through Kikyo and slashed her once more before finally slicing off her head. Lust walked over to where Kikyo's body lay and shot a nail into Kikyo's forehead. "That one was definitely easy to slaughter, a lot easier than I would have thought, given whom it was."

"Not bad, Lust," Scar said as he crossed his arms.

"Thank you." The group looked over to see Kouga running up to them.

"You bastards killed Kagome!" Kouga exclaimed. Wrath chuckled and dusted off his shoulders.

"I got this one," Wrath stated. He swiftly punched Kouga to the ground and crossed his arms. "Who said we killed her?"

"I don't know, but your scent was on her!"

"Oh, I see." Wrath chuckled and grabbed Kouga's leg. "I hate to tell you this, but you're going to be seeing her really soon." Kouga screamed as Wrath's hand tightened around Kouga's leg, Wrath continued to squeeze until the sacred jewel shard popped out of his leg.

"Damn it! That was my shard!"

"Oh, too bad, here's your other one!" Wrath commenced to squeeze the shard out of his other leg.

"Damn it!" Kouga shouted in pain as Wrath clenched his hands around Kouga's legs.

"Here's what I'm going to do to you now!" Kouga shouted as Wrath ripped Kouga's legs off from the knee area.

"What the hell!"

"You don't need those legs anymore." Wrath grabbed Kouga's neck and tossed him into a nearby tree. He then grabbed Kouga's arm and spun him until his arm made contact with a tree causing him to fly into another tree while Wrath still held his arm.

"Aw, crap!"

"Wow, three limbs down and one still attached to your body."

"Why are you doing this!"

"You were ordered dead by a client. The others are dead as well."

"Damn you!"

"Yeah, I'm not worried about you, not even if you still had your legs." Wrath swiftly grabbed Kouga's remaining arm and smirked. "Say goodbye to your arm."

"No!" Wrath ripped off Kouga's arm and laughed.

"No automail in the world can save you now!"

"Damn you!"

"Is that all you can say?" Wrath sighed and shook his head. "You're just pathetic, I really do hope you know that."

"Hey, Wrath, quit conversing with him and just kill him, do you think you can manage that much?" Scar asked.

"Yeah, I'm with Scar on this one," Lust stated. "We're getting impatient over here, just kill that mangy wolf or whatever that thing is."

"I'm a demon!" Kouga exclaimed. "I'm a wolf demon of the wolf tribe!"

"Yeah don't worry guys," Wrath stated. "He's annoying me too so I'll go ahead and kill him now."

"You stay away, I'll still bite you!" Wrath looked to Kouga and crossed his arms.

"I'll just keep my hands away from your mouth area then."

"Damn you, I'll kill you! I don't know how, but I will kill you!"

"Yeah, good luck with that." Wrath kicked Kouga's chest and then kicked him in the head. Wrath circled around the tree that Kouga was propped up against and he wrapped his arms around the tree and grabbed Kouga's neck.

"Damn it! Ah! Crap!" Kouga screamed as Wrath started tearing Kouga's head from his body. "No! Stop it! Damn you! That hurts!"

"Just shut up already." Wrath ripped Kouga's head completely off and tossed the head on the ground. "Well, that's done."

---------------------

"Satisfactory job," Raven said as Lust, Scar and Wrath sat in their original seats. "You did very well."

"Yes, every one of you," Sunna said with a smile. "We do have some good hitmen in this group." Raven nodded and turned to Envy.

"You could learn something from these people. They managed to do their job without anybody growing suspicious."

"Hey, come on! I tried!" Envy exclaimed.

"Yeah, well you still did well," Sunna said as she glared at Raven. "His mission was successful, I think you can quit hounding him about it."

"Oh come on…fine," Raven said as he crossed his arms.

"Okay, we will be killing another real soon."

"Yes we will. Well, one of them will do it of course."

* * *

There you go. 


	5. Multiple Hits

The Assassins

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any other story/show/game etc. that may appear in this fic.

A/N: This is a humorous, reviewer request thing. The Fullmetal Alchemist group will take requests from you, the reviewer, to go out and assassinate any show/game/cartoon/etc characters you can think of. An example will be used in the first chapter. Remember that to have the assassin or assassins of choice kill off a show or a specific character, like SpongeBob, _I_, the author, need to know what the specific thing is. If I've never heard of it, then I won't be able to do it, I'll let you know if I choose your review and I'll update depending on how many reviews I get. If there are seven reviews then there will be seven updates during a week, one for each day. Updates depend on whether I know the show, character, game and so forth, as well as the number of reviews I get. Thank you! Also there may and probably will be some out of character. I'll take whatever request, as long as I know it. Remember, if the characters don't like the specific show or character, that doesn't mean _I_ don't like it. I could love it, but still do it.

* * *

Chapter 5 (Multiple Hits)

"Damn it, we're behind schedule!" Raven shouted as Sunna patted his shoulder.

"Don't worry; we're just a bit…okay not a bit behind schedule. We can't do anything when our author get's so busy with school," Sunna said as she crossed her arms. "We'll have to combine a few hits here."

"Okay…so what do we have?"

"Amaya 24 wants Ed and Al to kill Barney…Anybody can kill Orihime from Bleach, I mean that in both ways. She's weak _and_ the client didn't mention a particular assassin."

"We can just send Winry after Orihime, that's possible."

"Yeah, I'd like to see Orihime massacred by a wrench."

"Unfortunately we don't know the Naked Brothers, they sound disgusting though."

"I'm sure they're nothing like you think. Wait…_yeah_ they probably are. What about Light and Mesa from Death Note?"

"We don't know that show either…It annoys me that we're not able to fulfill our client's wishes but in times like these..."

"We should ask them to give second choices; I hope the clients come back."

"Riza, Roy, Ed and Al must kill Orochimaru, I'm guessing this guy is Madara, Sasuke, Jiraya…And I guess anybody except for Naruto and Hinata."

"They don't want Naruto to die? Okay. We'll save the other clients for next chapter if this one runs over."

"Right, let's go." Raven and Sunna walked into the big room with all the assassins talking amongst themselves.

"Okay people; quit running your mouths and listen!" Raven shouted. "We're a bit behind schedule so we will be destroying multiple in one chapter."

"More than one hit!" Winry said quickly.

"Yes. You will be whacking off Orihime from Bleach. Ed and Al, you are to kill a certain purple dinosaur."

"You mean we get to kill Barney? Yes!" Al exclaimed with joy. Ed raised his eyebrow and looked over.

"You sir, are weird," Ed said as he crossed his arms. "Yet, this _is_ a kill I will be enjoying."

"You will return and join Riza and Roy in the massacre of Naruto; you just can't kill Naruto or Hinata."

"Okay, everyone understand their assignments?" Sunna asked. All heads nodded and Sunna snapped her fingers together.

--------------------

Orihime from around here…okay, where will I find her?" Winry asked. "Holy crap I'm in Hueco Mundo! I'm with the damned Espada! Why did they have to send me here!" Winry ducked behind a rock and spotted Grimmjow walking by. _"As long as I'm not noticed by anybody in particular then I'll be just fine. I think I'm in their lair._" Winry made sure the coast was clear and she made a run for the room Orihime was locked in. She bashed the door down with her wrench and spotted Orihime looking back at her with wide eyes.

"Who are you?" Orihime asked.

"I'm the one that has to kill a certain bitch…"

"Oh, who's that?" Winry's jaw dropped and she shook her head.

"My god you really are stupid." Winry walked over to Orihime and sighed. "Don't worry it's not you."

"Oh, are you here to save me?"

"Uh…yeah, I'm here to save you and make sure Rukia ends up with Ichigo."

"What was that last part?"

"You die now bitch!" Orihime screamed as Winry pulled out a wrench and beat Winry to the ground, soon all that was on the ground was a burst head and blood all over the place. "Well, that works out quite nicely, red so looks good on that white uniform of yours."

-------------------

"Oh my god, we're in retard land!" Ed exclaimed. "Okay, maybe it's not that bad."

"When our author was four years old, he _hated_ Barney," Al said flatly. "What kind of kid hates a kid show?"

"Probably one that freaks the hell out of the person." Ed transmuted his blade and walked into a large house. "Oh look, it's a green triceratops."

"I'll take care of her!"

"Please do." Al clasped his hands together and hit the triceratops with a blast of alchemy, her head and limbs fell right off and she exploded. "Ah crap! I have cotton all over me!"

"Cotton? Why the hell is she stuffed with cotton!"

"I wouldn't know…Barney's next." Al nodded as they walked into another room and saw Barney sleeping.

_"I love you, you love me…"_ Barney sang. Ed and Al raised their eyebrows and gagged.

"Oh god, he sings in his sleep!" Ed exclaimed. "Barney you fat bastard wake up!" Barney opened his eyes and looked over at Ed.

"Now, now, little man. Don't talk like that on this show."

"Who the hell are you calling so small that he could be crushed under your large thumb! You're dead you bastard!" Barney screamed as Ed's blade slashed across his chest, Al punched Barney's abdomen and kicked him in the head. Ed then slashed Barney's arms and legs off and sliced off Barney's head.

"Ouch…"

"He's still alive!"

"Let's put him on a rocket, brother," Al said with a smirk. "Fireworks will cause him to explode."

"No, not the fireworks!" Barney exclaimed. Ed grinned and took Barney's head, he and Al ran out to where they would find fireworks and tied Barney's head to one."

"Hey Barney, I got something for you," Ed said with a smirk. "I hate you, I hate you, we're a dysfunctional family. And I'm going to kill you now."

"Don't change my song!" Ed lit the firework and saluted as Barney screamed and the firework went into the air. They watched as Barney's head, and the firework exploded, soon blood fell to the ground.

"Okay, another job well done."

---------------------

Roy, Ed, Riza and Al walked through the lands of Naruto, "I think there are a whole bunch of characters in that tent," Riza said.

"Yes, every character that our author can't remember their names to," Roy said with a chuckle. "How convenient that we'd find them in there, let's cause them to die in a horrible and massive explosion!"

"Or we could just transmute them," Ed said."

"Yeah, that works too…lazy way…" Ed, Roy and Al drew a transmutation circle around the tent and put their hands on the circle, a bright light flashed and the tent vanished with all of its contents. In its place sat a red stone. "Let's kill off the others, there is Sasuke, Sakura, Orochimaru, and Jiraya are all that's left."

"Okay, well if Jiraya is the guy with the long white hair, I think he's standing over their. He appears to be reading a book."

"I'll handle him," Riza said with a smirk. Riza walked over to the man and said something, he looked at her with eyes bulging out. She slid her hands down her body until they reached her gun, swiftly she pulled out her gun and shot the man in the forehead. "Pervert…"

"That's why he is called the Pervy Sage," Roy said with a chuckle.

"Ooh! There's Orochimaru!" Ed exclaimed as he ran up behind the man. He swiftly thrust his blade through the man's chest. "Yes! Not too many more to go."

"I think that's Sakura over there, pink hair…yep that's her," Al said with a chuckle. "I'll handle her." Al clasped his hands together and sent several spikes through Sakura's body.

"Up next, Sasuke," Roy said with a grin. "Who knew they'd all be here waiting for us." Roy spotted Sasuke and smirked, "It is time to take down the bastard." Roy snapped his fingers several times and lit Sasuke on fire. During this, Ed would swoop in and slash a part of Sasuke while Riza fired bullets into Sasuke. Soon he was dead.

---------------------

"Not bad everyone," Sunna said with a grin. "Now, Roy, Ed, Envy and Al, go kill the powerpuff girls. That would be Blossom, Buttercup, Bubbles, the professor and Mojo."

"Ah, do we _have_ to?"

"Do you want me to set you on fire?"

"Okay, we're going!"

---------------------

"This is the place," Roy said as he crossed his arms. "Here is where they will all die."

"I say we go after the weaklings first," Envy said quickly. "So, the Professor and the damn monkey."

"Who are you calling a damn monkey!" Mojo shouted from behind. Everyone turned to see the monkey holding a shopping bag.

"Ed, take care of this guy," Roy said with a chuckle. "His brains are too big to fit his head."

"I'm a step ahead of you!" Ed thrust his blade through the large helmet on Mojo's head, Mojo gasped as he fell to the ground and died. "Too damn easy." The group made their way to where Professor Utonium lived, they made their way into the house and found the man in his lab.

"_Very_ dangerous place to be when dealing with me," Roy said with a chuckle. He snapped his fingers and sent massive amounts of flame into the laboratory. Explosions racked the house and when the smoke cleared nothing but a big black ring was present on the ground.

"You know, I think we're just calling the powerpuffs here…"

"You got that right!" Buttercup shouted from behind. Everyone turned to face her. "You woke me up!"

"So you three were asleep?" Al asked.

"No, I was asleep, Bubbles is at school and Blossom's getting ready for a makeout session with the red Rowdyruff boy."

"Oh…okay…"

"You killed the professor!"

"You're next."

"What?" Al clasped his hands together and sent several spikes through Buttercup. "Ah! Damn it!"

"Sending more your way." Al clasped his hands together and even more spikes hit Buttercup. She died in the grasp of the spikes. "That was actually quite pleasant really."

"Buttercup!" Bubbles exclaimed as she flew into the house.

"I'll handle the sniveling wimp," Envy said with a chuckle. Envy transformed into Blossom and walked over to Bubbles. "Bubbles, it will be okay."

"Oh Blossom, these people killed Buttercup!"

"I know, I know…" Envy hugged Bubbles and quickly transformed back and shoved a spiked arm through her chest. Bubbles gasped and coughed up some blood as she fell to the ground. "Next up will be Blossom." Everyone hid in a different spot as Blossom and her boyfriend walked into the room. She kissed her boyfriend and he flew away. _"Doesn't he usually explode? Okay, that was creepy." _Bubbles looked around and gasped at the sight of her dead sisters.

"Bubbles, Buttercup! No!"

"Yes!" Roy shouted as he stepped into view.

"You did this!"

"Well, not exactly." Roy shrugged and pointed toward the lab door. "However, I _did_ kill the professor." Roy smirked and snapped his fingers together and set Blossom to flames. "You suck!"

"No!" Blossom melted to ash and fell to the floor.

------------------

"Well, that was yet another brutal massacre on your part," Sunna said with a chuckle. "Not bad though, I'd say it's very good."

"Yes, and that's all the time and space we have today," Raven said as he crossed his arms. "We will work on the next client very soon."

"Thankfully our author has spring break next week!"

"That could help."

"Until then…"

* * *


	6. Catching Up

The Assassins

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any other story/show/game etc. that may appear in this fic.

A/N: This is a humorous, reviewer request thing. The Fullmetal Alchemist group will take requests from you, the reviewer, to go out and assassinate any show/game/cartoon/etc characters you can think of. An example will be used in the first chapter. Remember that to have the assassin or assassins of choice kill off a show or a specific character, like SpongeBob, _I_, the author, need to know what the specific thing is. If I've never heard of it, then I won't be able to do it, I'll let you know if I choose your review and I'll update depending on how many reviews I get. If there are seven reviews then there will be seven updates during a week, one for each day. Updates depend on whether I know the show, character, game and so forth, as well as the number of reviews I get. Thank you! Also there may and probably will be some out of character. I'll take whatever request, as long as I know it. Remember, if the characters don't like the specific show or character, that doesn't mean _I_ don't like it. I could love it, but still do it.

* * *

Chapter 6 (Catching Up)

"Are we behind schedule, _again_?" Raven asked with a groan. Sunna shrugged and rubbed her forehead.

"No, we may just make this a weekly thing and kill the ones that the clients want," Sunna said as she crossed her arms. "Our author's really been getting busy." Raven nodded and walked into the large room with everyone in it.

"Okay chumps, here we go. Kimblee and Envy will be killing the good guys of Xiolain Showdown. Are we allowed to kill real people?"

"Uh if you're referring to Ed killing off Simon Coswell and Brittney Spears, I'm not sure. I think it would be okay…"

"Okay then, Riza must kill off the Hannah Montana characters."

"Oh boy…Well, that will have to be. Envy will be killing Saix, Xenmas and Vexen of Kingdom Heats…You know what? Let's just send them in; they will know what to do. We've slacked off far too long; let's bring them all to this world!"

-NEW SCENE-

Riza walked down the streets, unsure of where to look for her target first, it was Vexen from Kingdom hearts, along with Xenmas and Saix. She knew she'd find them eventually. That came sooner than she thought when she spotted the three men chatting away around a heart figurine. Envy stepped next to her and smirked. "I have to take down both Xenmas and Saix," Envy said as he turned his arm into a spike. "I know exactly how to do it, too!"

"How will you go about it?"

"Wait for Vexen to walk away and shoot him in between the eyes." Riza nodded and smirked as Vexen walked off, she quickly followed after him and fired multiple shots into him. Envy sighed and shrugged his shoulders as he turned into Vexen; he walked over to Saix and Xenmas. "How are you?"

"Didn't you just leave?" Saix asked.

"Yes. Then I died, and here is what happened…" Envy quickly thrust two spikes through the men's chests and ripped upwards and in the process, slicing off their heads. Riza stepped next to Envy and raised her eyebrow.

"A bit much, don't you think?" Riza asked.

"No."

-New Scene-

"So I have to kill real people," Ed said as he crossed his arms. "Well, okay…first up is Brittney Spears." Ed raised his eyebrow and looked up as he thought of the scantily clad blond pop singer. "Gross…isn't she the one that shaved her head? That's even _worse!"_

"Ugh, are you talking about me?" A voice asked. Ed looked over and raised his eyebrow. The blond haired freak show was standing right in front of him.

"Uh, no I was talking about another blond bombshell."

"Oh, well that's better then," Brittney said with a smirk. "Because you _know_ how hot I am."

"So hot I feel like puking at the mere mention of your name," Ed muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, I said not a word!" Ed chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. _"How shall I dissect her?"_ Ed transmuted his blade and smirked. "I hope you know, I am your assassin."

"Ooh, I have an assassin? What is that?" Ed raised his eyebrow and slapped his forehead.

"You really _are_ dumber than you look!" Ed charged toward Brittney and she screamed as he thrust his blade into the top of her head. The tip of his blade could be seen pointing out of the bottom of her chin. He quickly sliced the blade down and cut Brittney in half. "Well that part is done…now for the American Idol guy." Edward ran toward a building and covered his ears as he heard shrill singing.

"My god that's horrible!" A voice exclaimed

"I actually agree with that…and that's my target saying it!" Ed walked toward the judge, Simon Coswell. "Hello Simon." Simon turned around to see Ed standing behind him.

"And _who_ are you?"

"Your assassin, your paid killer, please be smart and know what that means Simon. It means that you are going to die!"

"I can't die; it's not my time yet!"

"I beg to differ!" Ed shouted as he shoved his blade through Simon's heart. Simon gasped and fell to the floor, Ed swiftly brought his blade down and sliced the man's head off. "It looks like my work here is done."

-NEW SCENE-

Kimblee and Envy walked through China and looked around slowly. "We have to kill the good guys of this place. Do you remember any names?" Kimblee asked.

"Off the top of my head, no…I think there's the old man, the fat cowboy, the chick and Omi," Envy stated.

"We better not forget that dumb dragon."

"Heh, that shouldn't be too hard to kill!" Envy and Kimblee jumped back as something flew by them. "There's one of our targets! Get him!" Envy and Kimblee swiftly followed after the thing that passed them, it was the skinny male. "Kimblee, blow this freak up."

"Okay!" Kimblee clasped his hands together and the skinny male screamed in agony as his body exploded. "Man, those get better every time."

"Heh, you really _are_ nuts." Envy and Kimblee walked off and found the chick with ponytails. "I'll handle her." Envy ran toward her, unnoticed and quickly turned his arm into a spike and shoved it through her chest. "One more down."

"The cowboy's over there, I'll kill him easily!" Kimblee clasped his hands together and the cowboy screamed as explosions surrounded him. When they were gone, the cowboy was lying on the ground covered in ash and soot.

"One more, dead…" Envy walked over to the cowboy and raised his eyebrow; the dragon was lying next to him. "The dragon's dead too!"

"Sweet, the old man is next." Kimblee and Envy walked into the dojo and saw the old man meditating. "It's a shame they've yet to notice us." Envy quickly charged toward the old man and thrust a spike through the old man's head.

"Up next, Omi…"

"I'm right here," A voice said. Envy and Kimblee turned to see Omi looking at them with fury. "You bastards killed off all my friends! For this, you will suffer pain more enormous than my foot!" Envy raised his eyebrow and looked over at Kimblee as Omi charged toward them. Kimblee clasped his hands together and Omi was thrown back by explosions. Envy charged and thrust a spike through Omi's abdomen and Kimblee caused Omi's big head to explode.

"Aw man, you could have waited for me to get away before sending all his brain matter over me!"

"Sorry about that."

"Yeah, I'm sure you are…"

-NEW SCENE-

"Hannah Montana," Riza said calmly. "Okay, I can do this…no big deal. I mean, it's not like they can fight back or anything."

"How wrong you are!" A voice exclaimed. Riza looked over to see Rico and Jackson standing with their arms crossed. "Jackson, let's get her!"

"Crap!" Riza leapt back and pulled out her gun. "Fine, you two will die now!" Jackson dodged a bullet and shoved a fist into Riza's gut. "Ah!"

"You thought it'd be easy to take us out?" Rico asked. "It won't be easy, I'm _Rico!"_ Riza growled and kneed Jackson in the gut. She then placed the gun at the top of his head and fired a gunshot into it.

"You're next, _punk_!" Riza exclaimed as she fired a shot into Rico's chest. "All talk no action." Riza frowned as she walked over the beach. "I haven't been to the beach in ages, I could get lost here." Riza spotted Amber and Ashley; she smirked and crossed her arms. "Easy pickings right there…"

"So what are we going to do today?" Ashley asked as she raised her eyebrow.

"The same thing we do everyday, Ashley," Amber said with a chuckle. "We're going to be incredibly popular!"

"You're going to die!" Riza exclaimed. Amber and Ashley looked over in time to have bullets fired into their foreheads. "Like I said, easy kills for me." Riza continued to walk until she spotted Miley and Jake kissing. "Ah, true love…Too bad that's the final kiss they'll ever take." Riza cocked the gun and fired two bullets into the heads. "Hannah Montana is no more…"

"You just shot my daughter!" A voice exclaimed. Riza raised her eyebrow and turned to see Robbie Ray.

"Oh, hello, I'm sorry if that's what I did. However, I don't really care who I shoot, cowboy. I've also rigged that school with explosives, when it explodes, nothing more will be left of this world of yours."

"You're dead, bitch!"

"Sorry, I don't think so." Riza swiftly avoided a punch and dodged a kick. "You think you're tough, huh?"

"Die!"

"I don't intend to do that." Riza cycled around and fired a shot into Robbie Ray's back. He groaned as she shifted back around and fired a shot into his throat. "Cowboy down…"

-NEW CHAPTER-

"Finally, I get to kill SpongeBob Squarepants!" Ed exclaimed. "We don't know Cain Nightlord or Trinity Blood, so we can't do that one. Now where is that damn squirrel?"

"Right here," Sandy said as she karate chopped Ed. Ed raised his eyebrow and dusted off his shoulder. "That didn't do anything?"

"I'm a bit annoyed at having a foam glove hitting me actually." Ed charged toward Sandy and poked a hole into the helmet. "Enjoy drowning to death." Sandy grabbed at her throat as she breathed in the water. She ran around in circles until she fell to the floor, she was dead. "Good…Next…" Ed continued to walk down the road.

"Ah!" A voice screamed. Ed stopped walking and placed his foot down, he heard a squishing sound and lifted his foot up. He nearly grimaced at the splattered grey smudge on his boot.

"I killed Plankton without even knowing it." Ed chuckled as he crossed his arms. "Well Krabbs won't have anymore competition, of course, he doesn't have long to live." Ed looked over to see the Krusty Krab, he smirked as he walked into the restaurant.

"Hello may I take your order?" The squid in the boat asked with a bored voice.

"Yes, do you know where I can find the old man?"

"He's in that room…"

"Thanks." Ed walked into the office that Krabbs was in, the old crab was counting coins. "Hey idiot, how are you, I'm a big fan. So much of a fan, I want to do this." Krabbs looked up as Ed quickly cut off his eyes and sliced the crab in half.

"Hey, I didn't say you could come in here!" Squidward shouted as he rushed into the office.

"You're an idiot; you didn't even think I was a threat…" Ed quickly slammed Squidward against the wall and growled. "You're one dead little bastard!"

"What! Help me, someone!"

"Do your best not to scream, though it really won't matter." Ed swiftly sliced off all of Squidward's limbs. "Bleed to death." Ed chuckled as he left Squidward to die. He saw the fat, pink star walk into the restaurant. "My day just keeps getting better and better."

"Hey, do you work here?" Patrick asked.

"Uh…yes. Are you the retarded pink thing?"

"Uh…maybe…"

"That answers my question, thank you very much! Now die!" Patrick yelled as he cut Patrick into several sections. "Finally, all that's left is that damn sponge."

"I'm right here," SpongeBob said from behind. "Are you looking for me…bastard?" Ed smirked and turned toward SpongeBob.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am." SpongeBob narrowed his eyes and charged toward Ed.

"I'm a sponge, you cut me up and I'll get right back together!" Ed sliced off a chunk of the sponge only to find it reattach itself.

"Damn…well that's why I've come prepared!" SpongeBob raised his eyebrow as Ed pulled out a round device. Ed quickly shoved the device into SpongeBob and smirked. "In only a minute, you will explode. All of you will vanish!"

"Damn you…"

"Well…goodbye now you retarded yellow sponge!" Ed quickly ran out of the building and turned to see an angry sponge running after him.

"If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me!"

"Like hell you are!"

"Get your ass over here!"

"A kid's television show too! How screwed up are you!" SpongeBob smirked as he grabbed Ed and pinned him to the ground.

"Not as screwed up as you're about to look when I explode."

"D-Damn you!"

"Brother! Need help?" Al exclaimed as he grabbed SpongeBob and shoved him into his armor.

"What the hell!" SpongeBob exclaimed. "Crap! No!" Ed looked at Al and watched as bubbles flew from Al. SpongeBob had exploded.

"Thanks," Ed said flatly. "I could have handled him though."

"I know, but it's still fine by me."

-NEW SCENE-

"Well done everyone," Sunna said with a grin. "We caught up rather well."

"Yeah, it's a damn good thing it's all over and done with," Raven said with a nod. "Now we just wait for people to send more things in."

"Hey is this the right place?" A voice asked. Everyone looked to see Yugioh walking into the room.

"It's him!" Raven exclaimed. "We'll take care of him." Raven lifted his hands with Sunna.

"I'll burn him to a crisp," Sunna stated. "Then you can engulf him with your shadows." Yugioh's eyes went wide and he turned to run. Sunna snapped her fingers and blocked the door with fire. "There is no escaping us."

"Please don't kill me," Yugioh said quickly.

"Sorry…" Sunna snapped her fingers and Yugioh screamed in pain as the flames burned his body. "Your turn now, Raven."

"Perfect, I'll kill him with the shadows of this place," Raven said as he clasped his hands together. Yugioh screamed as shadows started to cover his body and constrict. He choked in pain as the shadows covered his face and started flowing into his mouth. "He'll suffocate on those…however…" Raven clasped his hands together once more and sent a spike through Yugioh's abdomen. Everybody stared with wide eyes as the shadows vanished along with Yugioh's body. Raven and Sunna turned around and crossed their arms.

"Okay you guys, good job today," Sunna stated. "All that's left is to wait for more."

"Okay, but could you never kill again?" Roy asked. "It was kind of scary." Sunna chuckled and her mouth formed a smirk.

"Don't worry, that was a first and possibly only for us."

"Good…save the killings for us. It's that much fun for us."

* * *

Finally I got this in! Sorry it took so long! Send in more requests and I'll try to do them.


	7. More Deaths

The Assassins

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any other story/show/game etc. that may appear in this fic.

A/N: This is a humorous, reviewer request thing. The Fullmetal Alchemist group will take requests from you, the reviewer, to go out and assassinate any show/game/cartoon/etc characters you can think of. An example will be used in the first chapter. Remember that to have the assassin or assassins of choice kill off a show or a specific character, like SpongeBob, _I_, the author, need to know what the specific thing is. If I've never heard of it, then I won't be able to do it, I'll let you know if I choose your review and I'll update depending on how many reviews I get. If there are seven reviews then there will be seven updates during a week, one for each day. Updates depend on whether I know the show, character, game and so forth, as well as the number of reviews I get. Thank you! Also there may and probably will be some out of character. I'll take whatever request, as long as I know it. Remember, if the characters don't like the specific show or character, that doesn't mean _I_ don't like it. I could love it, but still do it.

* * *

Chapter 7 (More Deaths)

"Dear god we're late again," Raven said with a sigh. "And they want _us_ to start doing kills too!"

"Well, what do you think of it?" Sunna asked with a shrug.

"With Truth or Dare and this and every other story our author's working on…Our author seems to find it hard to do this. We have to keep pushing though."

"One of them is going to end sooner or later. Hey, Maire even came here!" Raven blinked and sighed.

"Yeah, she gave us the opportunity to kill so many! Do we even have to bother with listing them right now?"

"We know Zoey 101, I'm surprised someone actually requested their deaths, I really dislike them…Maes whacks Zoey and Kimblee blows up the entire school."

**-NEW SCENE-**

"We're looking for Zoey," Maes said with narrow eyes. "It's time for the bitchy little lady to die."

"I thought _I_ was the one with the violent language," Kimblee said with a raised eyebrow. No, I'm sure I was the one with the violent language."

"I can talk however the hell I want to talk! It's eleven at night and I am tired!"

"Sheesh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Maes and Kimblee walked through the campus of the school and saw Zoey walking along with Chase. "So it's just Zoey, no one else?"

"Yeah, so let me handle this…You handle blowing up the damn school." Maes pulled out a dagger and charged toward Zoey. "Time to die Bitch!" Zoey looked over and screamed as Maes thrust his dagger into her mouth and sliced downward and out her chest. Chase stepped back with wide eyes as Zoey fell, Maes glanced over at him and narrowed his eyes. "Not a word, do you understand me?"

"Uh-huh…"

"Good…Kimblee, do it now!" Maes and Kimblee ran as Kimblee clasped his hands together, behind them the entire school exploded. "Good job Kim-Ugh!" A wooden board slammed into Maes's chest and glass shattered all over Kimblee.

"Damn!" Kimblee fell to his knees, blood flowing all over his body. "No! This wasn't supposed to happen! The assassins can't die as well!"

"You're easily disposable," Raven's voice stated. "For your sloppy murder, we have no use for you."

"Sloppy?"

"You let another person see your killing, therefore we have no more use for you. Goodbye." Black shadows formed around both Maes and Kimblee, they screamed as the shadows engulfed them and slowly suffocated them. Soon the darkness vanished and with it, Maes and Kimblee were gone. "A small price to pay for the assassins team…now I'll have to kill Chase." Chase stepped back in fear and shouted as a black spike shot through the head.

**-NEW SCENE-**

"We're sent in because nobody else was sent," Lust said quietly. "No one was requested to kill Drake and Josh."

"I can eat them, right?" Gluttony asked with a wide grin.

"Sure, you can eat them, it won't matter." Gluttony laughed evilly as the two walked into the Parker-Nichols home, nobody was in the house but they could hear noises in the attic. "I'm sure Drake is the one that hits on all women, so I'll deal with him. Josh on the other hand…I'll let you deal with that big freak."

"Get this right," Sunna's voice stated.

"Yes," Raven's voice said from the air. "If you don't desire to end up like Maes and Kimblee, then do it right."

"Killing them was rather unnecessary."

"It was very necessary."

"Okay, let's just kill some brotherly freaks," Lust said as she and Gluttony walked up the steps. "It shouldn't be too difficult to do such a thing."

"We'll just have to 'do it right' won't we," Gluttony stated. "I guess that also means as little witnesses as possible."

"Yes, that's what it means." Lust looked down the hallway and smirked. "It's Josh, go ahead Gluttony, it's time for you to snack." Gluttony laughed and ran toward Josh.

"What! No!" Josh exclaimed as he brought his hands up. "Drake!" It was too late, Gluttony brought his mouth upon Josh and devoured him.

"One down, one to go," Lust said as she rounded the corner and walked into the attic room. "Are you Drake Parker?" Drake looked up from the couch and smirked.

"Yeah, who are you?" Drake asked.

"I'm that girl from school, I spotted you and I think you're so hot."

"You do?" Drake stood up and grinned. Lust slowly walked toward Drake and took his wrists in his hands.

"Yes, you're incredibly handsome!"

"I'll take that as a compliment then."

"Yes…it is a compliment." Lust lifted her hand up to the side of Drake's face and placed her hand on his cheek. "So is this…" Her face turned to pure hate and her nails shot through Drake's head, Drake gasped and fell to the ground as Lust retracted her nails. "Drake and Josh…dead."

**-NEW SCENE-**

"We don't know Death Note," Raven said quietly. "If we did, we'd go after it, but we don't. We are sorry to say."

"They want us to kill?" Sunna asked. "Why? We are the hosts."

"Eh, it matters not. Hey, the Mayor in nightmare before Christmas is actually the one character I despise!" Raven laughed and Sunna rolled her eyes as they appeared in Nightmare before Christmas. "Oh yeah, there's a lot of darkness and shadows here, I can so use this."

"You're having too much fun, let's be careful, we only have to take down the Mayor. We should not run into anyone else, that would be bad for us." Raven nodded as he and Sunna walked through the main street, they stopped and looked at the fountain.

"That's actually a weird thing right there."

"Heh…yeah…" Raven sighed and crossed his arms.

"Why do they want us to kill?"

"They like our techniques."

"What's to like? You're an elemental alchemist and I'm a shadow alchemist that happens to be part homunculus or something."

"That makes your homunculus ability as controlling the shadows, rather than alchemy."

"Hello, you're new arrivals," A voice said quickly. Raven and Sunna turned and looked to see the Mayor, lighting cracked and the Mayor's face turned around to the sad face.

"Why is it you scare me?"

"I'll tell you why," Raven said with a low growl. "However, I don't think you should know."

"Should we even be able to scare you?" Sunna asked with a raised eyebrow. "It seems highly illogical if you think about it. _You_ are a scary person. You might scare us!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" The mayor said. "I didn't know I scared you!"

"See," Sunna whispered to Raven. "It's all about getting them when they least expect it and building up their trust."

"Yeah I know, but I just wanted to get it over with," Raven whispered in return."

"We're in an open area, we'll be seen." Raven crossed his arms and scoffed as Sunna turned to the Mayor.

"You know, you two really compliment each other," The mayor stated. Sunna's eyebrow twitched and Raven raised his eyebrow.

"Hello, he's dark, I'm practically light, we _do not_ go together!"

"You'd be surprised by how well Light and Dark go together." Sunna's finger twitched and she spoke through clenched teeth.

"May we see your home?"

"Oh yes, if it helps you to find your way around here."

"Thank you."

"You okay there, Sunna?" Raven asked with a raised eyebrow. "Hey, it doesn't matter what the guy says, I hate you as much as you hate me so it doesn't change a thing."

"Just shut up…" The Mayor led them to his home, his own yard was closed off so Sunna took the opportunity to lift her hands. "Hey bastard, guess what." The Mayor raised his eyebrow and started to turn around. "Now, Raven!" Raven clasped his hands together and the area grew immensely dark.

"I can't see!" The Mayor exclaimed.

"Perfect for me…" Sunna snapped her fingers and the Mayor screamed as his body was lit on flames. "Raven, got any marshmallows?"

"Yep, just let me clear away the darkness," Raven stated. Soon the darkness vanished and all that was left of the Mayor was a burning hat. Raven pulled some marshmallows from his jacket and picked up a couple sticks.

"I was only kidding, but hey, whatever works…you carry marshmallows with you?" Sunna raised her eyebrow and Raven shrugged.

"I like marshmallows."

**-NEW SCENE-**

"Al never died," Al said while blinking. "Oh, you mean Alfonse, but the guy that killed him _died_ too."

"Since he's already dead, who cares?" Ed asked while crossing his arms. "I don't even know his name."

"Okay, so since we don't know that much, okay then…Spongebob died already and they're requesting him. He _just_ died…_last_ chapter."

"Some people do the oddest things," Raven said with a chuckle. "Okay, we're cramming time and space here.

"We still have to kill Tea," Sunna said with a sigh. "Great…kill the big busted woman, that's actually perfect."

"Hey, is this the right place for getting nails done?" Tea asked as she stepped into the room.

"Just like Yami before," Raven said as he slapped his forehead. "What an idiot."

"Yeah, she's an airhead," Sunna said with a sigh. "Riza, guess what!"

"What?" Riza asked while breaking from a liplock with Roy.

"Stop making out with Roy a little and shoot this bimbo who seems to think all men like her."

"What do I care?"

"She…she was hitting on Roy a little while ago."

"What!"

"I was doing no such thing!" Tea exclaimed. Riza growled and pulled out her gun.

"It's time for your assassination, Tea!" Riza exclaimed as she aimed her gun toward the woman.

"Mommy…"

"Die!" Riza fired a bullet directly into Tea's forehead and shoved her gun into her holster. "Well she's been taken care of." Raven and Sunna stared at a list with wide eyes.

"Maire and Ember gave us this many people?" Raven asked.

"So we'll have to do it," Sunna said with a shrug. "It isn't any problem."

"Okay, she didn't give any orders for specific assassins and there are some people we don't know here…like this Conrad person."

"Our author only watches the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and none of the others…Conrad isn't familiar."

"Orochimaru is dead," Raven said with a sigh. "He and the entire Naruto thing is _dead_."

"We don't know the Harry Potter people, either. All we know is Harry Potter and we hate him. If you want, we could kill him along with Ron and Hermione, but those are the only ones we know anything about."

"You want me to die?" Archer asked with a raised eyebrow. "I'm one of the assassins!"

"Well, it _is_ one less assassin," Roy said with a grin.

"Oh come on!" Sunna and Raven sighed and crossed their arms.

"Go ahead, kill him."

"What!"

"We are the bosses," Raven said with a shrug. "We don't think there's any use for you, Archer. We already have Riza and she alone is all we need as far as gunners go."

"Finally, I will kill someone!" Roy said as he snapped his fingers. Archer screamed as his body went up in flames, Riza pointed her gun at him and fired a shot into his heart.

"Okay, now that he's gone, let's discuss the others."

"We know a little about Avatar, but nothing about the fire lord," Sunna said while tapping her chin. "We can't kill him because we don't know him."

"Same thing for Jurassic Park, man this is getting lame," Raven said with narrow eyes. "Wed and Unwed, that's a show?"

"Again…we don't know that person."

"Giovanni we can do!" Raven and Sunna snapped and appeared in a large gym, they saw Giovanni fighting against Ash.

"Well, we actually have to kill both of them," Sunna said with a smirk. Sunna's eyes darted around the room, there was no other person in the battle. "So let's kill them here."

"Allow me to do it," Raven said with a dark grin as he clasped his hands together. Ash and Giovanni looked over with wide eyes as dark shadows started to slowly engulf them.

"No!" Giovanni shouted.

"Help us, I can't die!" Ash exclaimed. "I have to live, I haven't told Misty I love her yet."

"Please grill him, he's annoying me," Raven said with narrow eyes. Sunna chuckled and snapped her fingers, flames shot from Ash's mouth and Giovanni stared at Ash with fear. Soon the shadows covered their heads and constricted. When the shadows vanished, Ash's and Giovanni's broken bodies lay on the ground. "They're dead. Next up, Paris Hilton."

"Yep…let's do it." Sunna snapped and the two appeared behind Paris Hilton.

"Uh, I'm so beautiful," Paris said while looking around. Her little dog popped its head out of the purse.

"Is that a rat!" Raven said quickly as he stared at the dog. "That's it, I'm killing her now."

"Yes, please do." Sunna rolled her eyes and Raven clasped his hands together.

"I'm _so_ hot," Paris said quickly. Sunna's eyebrow twitched and several spikes appeared around Paris. "So hot…"

"Shut up and die already!" Raven shouted as he clasped his hands together once more, all the spikes shot into Paris. Paris fell to the floor and Sunna raised her eyebrow as Raven chuckled evilly. "Normally I like blondes but this one I hated."

"You…like…blondes?" Sunna took her hair in her hand and sighed, she was blonde. "Okay, don't like blondes."

"Huh?" Raven raised his eyebrow and shrugged. "Okay, let's take Wrath to kill Michael Jackson…"

"Aren't we going a bit far with the real people thing? Isn't that supposed to be against the rules? I mean first Simon Coswell and then someone else, we just got Paris and now Michael Jackson?"

"I realize the confusion there…Hey, I don't like the sex offender as much as the next guy."

"We really shouldn't, not if he's a sex offender."

"Why?"

"Our author _hates_ Sex offenders, because of what someone did to a friend of his. If we had Wrath kill Jackson, then it would be complete mutilation and such a horrifying death."

"I see, and that would surely offend people in real life, especially Jackson himself."

"Hell, our author doesn't want to get sued. He definitely doesn't want to meet a sex offender face to face either."

"Okay, so we get it…no killing the guy."

"This may end very soon, what we're in…I don't know if it will or not."

"Well Truth or Dare has been going on for quite a few chapters."

"Yes it has, and I don't think this will wind up doing the same."

"Well as long as more people come up with more things."

"We may wind up dying ourselves." Raven shrugged, if they all died then it would surely be the end of The Assassins. "Oh well, it matters not! Let's continue this, everyone send in more requests for a person to kill someone."

"As the hosts, we probably won't and probably shouldn't be killing everyone," Raven stated as he crossed his arms. "But if you want to use us, then feel free to do so!"

* * *

Okay, there's that chapter.


	8. End of an Era

The Assassins

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any other story/show/game etc. that may appear in this fic.

A/N: This is a humorous, reviewer request thing. The Fullmetal Alchemist group will take requests from you, the reviewer, to go out and assassinate any show/game/cartoon/etc characters you can think of. An example will be used in the first chapter. Remember that to have the assassin or assassins of choice kill off a show or a specific character, like SpongeBob, _I_, the author, need to know what the specific thing is. If I've never heard of it, then I won't be able to do it, I'll let you know if I choose your review and I'll update depending on how many reviews I get. If there are seven reviews then there will be seven updates during a week, one for each day. Updates depend on whether I know the show, character, game and so forth, as well as the number of reviews I get. Thank you! Also there may and probably will be some out of character. I'll take whatever request, as long as I know it. Remember, if the characters don't like the specific show or character, that doesn't mean _I_ don't like it. I could love it, but still do it.

* * *

Chapter 8 (End of an Era)

Sunna and Raven sat at a table inside a coffee shop, they were discussing the future. "I think this will be the end of the assassins," Sunna said quietly as she sipped her drink. Raven groaned and crossed his arms.

"Why would it be?" Raven asked.

"It's become harder and harder to continue certain stories. Our author is bringing some to a close, so we'll just kill the last few hit requests and that will be the end of it." Raven let out a sigh and glanced to the side, there was nothing he could do. It was truly the end of an era.

"Great, so our first hit is Dragon Ball Z, an atomic bomb…or something equally destructive." No assassin was requested for the job. "I guess we can do this one." Raven and Sunna got up and walked out of the building; they stepped into another world and grinned. "We're here."

"Here, we'll use this." Sunna pulled out a device and looked around. "This will destroy the Dragon Ball Z world." Sunna pressed a button and directed a large bomb toward the area, she and Raven then transported out of the area and watched as the world of Dragon Ball Z exploded.

"Good, I always hated them, Goku was the most annoying."

"True." Sunna crossed her arms and glanced at a hit request. "We forgot one? No, they were requesting Death Note; we do not know that show. Instead, we will do their request of killing off Kim Possible."

-NEW SCENE-

Al stepped down the street, his eyes narrowed as he heard the mewing of kittens. "Why do I have to deal with cats? Whatever…So they want me to kill off everyone in Kim Possible, with a horde of kittens."

"What was that?" A voice asked from behind. Al turned around to see Mr. Barkin and Bonnie Rockweller.

"Oh nothing, just a horde of rabid kittens need to kill you." Al pointed toward the two and let out a shout, they screamed as a mass of cats ate them. "God, cats…disgusting…" Al turned and looked at the large school building, he smirked and pointed to it. "ATTACK!" With that, a swarm of cats ran inside the school as well as climbing the building and breaking it down. People were seen running out of it, but still dying.

"What the hell is going on here?" Al spotted Drakken and Shego, it didn't take long for a bunch of cats to attack them and destroy them.

"Such a sweet killing, they deserve every bit of their death!" Al walked toward a place where he spotted a bunch of monkeys, Monkey Fist was staring him down. "Oh, it's a giant Monkey!"

"Monkey ninjas, attack!" Monkey Fist exclaimed while pointing toward Al. Several monkeys and cats were fighting on the ground, Fist himself charged toward Al and started to attack.

"Damn you!" Al grabbed Monkey Fist by the throat and shoved him inside of his armor. "All cats come inside!" With that, the cats all poured into his suit, Monkey Fist screamed as the cats at him. Al continued his walk as blood poured from his suit of armor. He saw the home of Kim Possible and grinned; he opened the door and let a swarm of cats enter into the home.

"Aah, it's a bunch of cats!" Tim exclaimed as cats climbed his body and ate him. Kim was the last of her family left, she tried to fight the cats, but eventually she too was devoured by them.

"K-Kim, what did you do to Kim!" Ron exclaimed from the door. He was the sole survivor of the Kim Possible world. "You'll pay for this!" Al smirked and sent a cat toward him, Ron quickly hit it back.

"Oh, so you're going to try and fight?" Al charged toward Ron and punched him in the abdomen; he then hit Ron in the back and slammed him into a wall. "My advice to you, don't fight your death, embrace it!"

"Damn you!" Al chuckled and placed his hand on Ron's face and crushed his head. Al's job was finished.

-NEW SCENE-

Riza stepped into Hogwarts and crossed her arms, she hated the place, but then, she hated Harry Potter completely. It was here she would kill the three bastards of the Harry Potter world, Harry, Ron and Hermione would be put to rest. "Time for the three little _pigs_ to die," Riza said quietly.

Riza slowly made her way to a hill far from the main school, she placed a sniper rifle at the top, in a hidden spot. Riza looked through the gun and spotted one of her three targets.

"Time for Ron Weasley to bite the big one…" Riza pulled the trigger and watched as a bullet hole was sent through Ron's forehead. She smirked and then frowned when she saw Hermione run up to him and start shaking him; she was distraught over his death.

"Okay, I'll kill Hermione now, that shan't be too difficult." Riza pulled the trigger and hit Hermione in the back, she saw her get up and turn around, surveying the surroundings for the assassin. She did not see Riza, so Riza swiftly fired a bullet into her chest, killing Hermione. "Aw, she thought she could see me, too bad for her."

Riza surveyed the rest of the grounds for the infamous Harry Potter, she thought of what satisfying ways she could kill Harry. "I always did enjoy calling him Harry Pothead, because that's what he is…" Through the sniper lens, she saw the boy with glasses and a scar on his face, it was Harry Potter.

"Hello, so this is the boy who lived, well Potter, you're about to be the boy who is dead. Riza then fired off several bullets, each one hitting Harry in various spots on his body. The bullet ridden boy fell to his knees and shook as he collapsed to the ground. "Harry Potter is dead, it is finished."

"Not bad, Riza," Sunna's voice said from the air. "You are perhaps our best assassin, you are doing very well. Please, take this next request; you are to assassinate Hinata from Naruto."

"Naruto, but Roy already killed all of those from Naruto!"

"I know, that is why we have resurrected Hinata for this very mission. Do this, that is all I ask of you." Riza nodded as she was transported into a land of fire, it really was just a bunch of ruins. She saw Hinata curled up in the middle of all the debris, she was crying into her legs.

"Why? Why are they all dead?" Hinata asked in a sobbing voice. "What have we ever done to deserve this?" Riza slowly moved a handgun toward Hinata's head and cocked the gun. Hinata's eyes widened as she looked over and stared into the barrel of the gun.

"You have another person who wishes for your death, do not ask questions, this is the way of life," Riza stated in a calm voice. Hinata started to scream, but never got the chance, Riza fired a bullet in between her eyes. Hinata fell back onto the ground, blood flowing out into a large puddle. Riza shrugged and put her gun into her holster.

-NEW SCENE-

Roy, Riza and Armstrong walked down a street, Maes had already died, the assassins were going down like wildfire. This request was to kill Michael Moore, slowly and painfully. "Is this right?" Armstrong asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know, we're killing a real person here," Roy responded while crossing his arms. "Our author doesn't want to end up getting sued by these people."

"Whatever, let's just get this over with," Riza stated.

"Looking for me?" A voice asked from behind. The three assassins turned and saw Michael Moore staring them down. "How's it going?" He had a pistol in his hand and was aiming it at them. "Oh, yeah…I know I talk about guns being bad, but truth be told, I don't give a damn."

"I knew this guy was all talk!" Armstrong stated.

"Shut up!" Michael fired a shot into Armstrong's head, Roy and Riza stared with wide eyes as Armstrong fell to the ground and died.

"H-He killed him," Riza said quietly. She closed her eyes and sighed, she figured she would screw the slow and painful death and kill Moore quickly.

"I'll barbeque him!" Roy exclaimed. He snapped his fingers and the gun in Moore's hand grew remarkably hot.

"Damn it!" Moore exclaimed. Riza fired a bullet into Moore's knees, he fell to the ground and Roy lit Moore's clothes on fire. "Oh my god, I'm on fire!"

"This is your time to die, bastard," Riza said with narrow eyes. She fired two gunshots into Moore's back and Roy burned off one of his legs. Moore screamed in pain as the flames continued to engulf and destroy his body, Riza ended his pain by firing a gunshot into his forehead.

"It's finished," Roy said while lowering his arm. "Sadly Armstrong died as well…" Roy and Riza looked over to see the man that killed Alfonse in the Fullmetal Alchemist movie. "What's he doing here?"

"I don't know, but we have to kill him." Roy nodded and lifted his arm, he snapped his fingers and flames engulfed the man's body. Soon there was nothing left of the man

-NEW SCENE-

"You did well, every one of you," Sunna said with a soft smile. "There could be many more hits coming in, wonderful job!"

"Yeah, great job," Raven said with a grin. "We should celebrate. However this is a somber moment, for the assassins will no longer be continued."

"It won't?" Roy asked with a raised eyebrow. "Why won't it?"

"The author cannot find the time to continue it, he already has one story that will be continued for a while. There's also another Fullmetal Alchemist story that's being written by him, one called A NEW ENEMY. However, nobody is reviewing it, he believes it is because of the fact that there are two other Fullmetal Alchemist stories going on."

"That would be this and Fullmetal Truth or Dare," Sunna said while rubbing the back of her head. "So it is here we must part for this story. I would like to say thank you to all who have reviewed and requested hits!"

"It was definitely fun to kill most of those bastards!"

"Oh yeah, I had the most fun killing off the punkish Mayor with two faces." Raven chuckled and Sunna slowly stood up. "Okay, all of you here, we hope to see your precious reviews on A NEW ENEMY and whatever other Fullmetal Alchemist stories our author comes out with! Thanks again!"

* * *

That's it, I hope you all enjoyed the ones that came. Lucky, I chose this ending instead of the alternate ending, where all the assassins died except for a small few. Hope to see your reviews on my other things!


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